Writing Prompt (in an attempt to practice gratitude): Write about the last thing or person that made you smile.

The last thing… Not the most frequent but the last thing….Okay.

The last thing that made me smile was my friend Annie’s phone call. I recently had to go to the ER for a condition and was admitted into hospitals and in and out of doctor’s appointments. To top that off I’d been in this slump. I had no energy to work (even though I was discharged and physically had no pain). I just sat in front of the TV all day. And I mean literally all day.

In some sense, as I look back, I realize I may have been a little hard on myself. Its okay to take a break once in a while. But, I wasn’t feeling it. I was feeling like a failure and didn’t want to talk to anyone. One of my best friends from down south called when she heard I went to the ER and I didn’t even call her back. She was so worried.

So lets set the scene, it Thursday night, I’m sitting in my dimly lit room with my eyes glued to the laptop screen, watching yet another one of my tv shows. I’m almost at the end of the season really. I’ve binged watched all the episodes in the span of about 5 days. My phone’s been getting messages- people asking me how i’m doing, how i’m feeling. Notifications telling me to pray and I just haven’t done it yet. My friend Annie texts me. I see she’s called about 2 hours ago but I don’t call her back.

Then she calls again. I’m looking at my phone watching it buzz and in a split second I’ve picked it up and answered (thank goodness for my reflex or whatever that was!). And long story short she had just called me to see how I was doing.

“I just wanted to check in on you and see how you were doing Sakeenah” she says.

And in that moment I smiled; and so did my heart. For the next hour and 46 minutes we talked. About my favorite topic of course- Islam. We talked about gender relations and things we need to watch out for. Things we need to improve ourselves on. It was so rejuvenating for my soul to be able to talk to someone who valued self-improvement as much as I did. Sure, I may be a perfectionist, but at the end of the day I thrive on knowing that I am working towards improving myself in some way. I think its a characteristic that can be good or bad depending on the way you look at it.

But we talked about other things as well. We talked about life in general. How we view the world, and for the first time I met someone who didn’t feel the way I practiced my religion was incorrect. We agreed. She kept taking the words out of my mouth. I didn’t feel like I was defending an overthought idea of mine as much as I was learning from her wisdom. And it wasn’t sudden or drastic, but I felt a little better. I felt a little more motivated. I felt that much more ready to try and read my prayers again, and come back to Allah swt, and get out of this slump. I’m still in the slump a little but I’m doing better. I’m not self-loathing and I’m doing my best.

In fact, for the record, I was able to complete a paper I had due on Friday at midnight by 7:00 PM! I’ve written two blog posts so far and I’ve checked some emails and emptied some inboxes. So by that standard I’m doing just fine and I’m proud of it.

So that was one of the most recent moments that made me smile. And when I went to bed that night I’m pretty sure I still had a slight smile swiped across my face.

…..
The end! 🙂

Here’s to a post for friendships! May God grant anyone reading this the best of company and people who will always remind you of God and your place in this world. May He grant you the best of company and keep you far way from anyone who is not of that caliber. May He bless you with people who will reach out to you, take your hand and make you smile when you don’t have the energy to do it yourself. Ameen!

🙂

I’m not going to lie, I’m in a slump. I’m barely getting to write this blog post only because my friend kind of helped me get a little out of the slump. But seriously, I feel so bla about things right now. Like I have no motivation to get up, or pursue my dreams, my career, sometimes even my salah. I’ll just sit there looking at the clock knowing full well that its time for salah and may Allah swt forgive me out of His immense mercy and forgiveness but I get lazy. I give into shaitan, I don’t pray, then I feel worse about myself and the cycle continues on for the next prayer… and the next prayer… and the next prayer.

I know I’ve already done a post about this, but its at times like this that I try to make a dua.

“Oh Turner of hearts, turn my heart upon your path.” In unemotional desperation, there’s a tiny part of my heart screaming “Sakeenah DON’T listen to the shaitan! Don’t let your laziness get the best of you, and for sure DO NOT let your heart die.” There’s a tiny part of myself that keeps telling myself ohh I’ll just regain my motivation for salah tomorrow. But the other part of me is saying, no. If you miss enough salah, your heart is going to seal shut and you’ll never feel anythign for Islam, for salah, for your one and only God ever again.
And so in that peak moment, with that tiny desperation and fear of having my heart sealed I make a dua. I’m not sure how sincere it is. I do it within 30 seconds and then proceed to watch whatever TV show I was watching again. But I still make the dua. And it helps. I’ll come back the next day and feel a teeny bit more khushoo and concentration in my salah.

The other thing that helps is good company/friends whom you can really and truly be honest with. People whom you can actually talk about Islam with. This is what happened to me. I was in the slump and I didn’t want to talk to anyone. Ignored phone calls, didn’t call anyone back, and binge watched a TV show all week and skipped all my classes (I also had a health concern but technically I still could’ve gone to class). Anyway, my friend texts me, I reply.

Then my friend calls me….I wait.

Finally I have to pick up the phone since I just texted her and I finally talk to a human being. And she tells me how are you? And I finally admit that I am not okay, I’m in a slump, I need help. And we talk it out, she revives and rekindles this spirit in me again, and well here I am now.

I’m okay, I’m not like on a high of passion but I’m in an okay place. Trying to continue praying all my salah.

But yeah, if I can give any advice for people trying to get their salah finally pat down is to 1) not give up, 2) make dua (even if it feels insincere), and 3) keep good company and if you can, force yourself to reach out to them.

We’re never too old to call someone up and just have a conversation.

I hope someone out there can find this beneficial inshallah!