Asalamualaikum,

My dear respected brothers and sisters in Islam.

Hehe. Sounds kind of like the khateeb when he gives a khutbah at jummuah.

… I haven’t been to jummuah. In a long time. 😦 I want to go back. Maybe this Ramadan, that will be one of my goals.

Its raining today. The older I get, the more I love rain. The calmness it brings. The way it makes the sound of cars racing by sound different. The way it looks like tiny, nameless, unassuming specs through my window, until it reaches the ground and colors the driveways a dark beige, and then I can see it. I can see it in grand puddles scattered across my neighborhood. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah for rain.

I wonder if it is raining for Aisha’s mom. A friend of mine’s mother passed away yesterday. May Allah be pleased with her and grant her jennah-tul-firdaws. I did not know her. I did not know her daughter very well either, but she is a wonderful woman. May Allah make it easy for my friend as well ameen.

I wanted to take some time today to write a gratitude journal. I am 27 subhanallah! Can you believe it? Oh how quickly time passes. It feels like yesterday I was writing a journal about all the things I learned by 23. Oh gee. I knew nothing at 23! And I will probably feel the same again the next time I write this.

I don’t really have any lessons today. Just a gratitude journal. I am grateful for being given another day to breathe many breaths alhamdulillah. I am grateful to have been able to see my grandparents last weekend and done a paint and pass with my friend.

I am grateful for my full time job that gets me up every morning and out of the house before 9 am. I am grateful my sleep schedule is not as bad as it used to be 2 years ago.

I am grateful for a certain sense of awareness in my life and about my mental health. My mother has always been a heroine to me and she still is. But as she gets older, perhaps she is more bitter or perhaps it has been there her whole life, but I realize her anger and meanness towards me is subtle. She has a way of making me feel guilty without ordering me to do anything. Her questions are suggestions that she makes me feel guilty about not taking in a very slighted manner. It used to get to me. I would beat myself up and never felt accomplished around her, like I was always doing something wrong. My mom likes to solve problems. That is the only way she knows how to show me love too I guess. Especially when she is depressed about her own life. Anyways, this is all to say, that I am grateful I can recognize this now. In the past, I pretty much made her opinions my standard, and since I never matched up to them I was always a failure. Being aware of her behavior now though, I am able to move past it without it getting to my head or tying it to my self worth. Perhaps the concise way to put it is that through my awareness I have learned to compartmentalize. A crucial skill in my profession anyways. So I am grateful for the awareness, and with it the self esteem, and hopefulness I have brought into myself.

I am grateful for the applications I was able to submit, and the money I was able to spend on them.

I am grateful for the many many beautiful clothes I own, and the opportunity to give many away and pass them on to another wonderful person.

I am grateful for water, and the sweetness, and refreshing taste it brings that no other drink can seem to match. Perhaps this is what they mean by the word “quench.” Tea might taste delicious, but nothing quenches thirst like the sweet taste of water on a dry throat.

I am grateful for all the money I am saving by being able to live in my family’s home, and for having a family that lets me live in their home.

I know I cannot make everyone happy. Sometimes I wish I could fix my mothers life, and improve my nani’s mental health. Sometimes I wish I could be the heroine that saves everyone’s day in various ways. I cannot, I am not a superhero and I am certainly not God. But that is why I am lucky to have a God- to leave my problems in Their hands. Oh Allah ease my grandparents’ pains both mental and physical and allow/grant them a sweet death, and a sweet hereafter. Ya Allah allow me to feel content surrounding my grandparents and to not feel regretful. Oh Allah bless my grandparents the honor of being a shaheed and allow the last words on ALL of their lips to be la ilaha ilallah. Make my nani content, happy, peaceful, and calm. Remove the hate she has in her heart towards other people.

Ya Allah fix my family situation. Whatever is bringing difficulty, sadness, tension, depression, unfulfillment, or fear, or pain, please fix it. Please heal it. Please mend it in the way you know best.

Ya Allah protect me. Protect me from mental pain, and physical pain, and financial pain, and emotional pain. Protect me from coming nearer to You via a difficult path.

Grant me a fruitful, successful, and happy Ramadan. Make me someone that brings joy to the people I am around. Ya Allah, surely You know, and I know not. I pray that you grant me help and aid in wherever I need it most. I ask for your help just as Musa (as) asked for Your help. I am in need of whatever it is you can provide for me. Ameeeeeeeeeeen!

Thank you for my car ya Allah. Thank you for my job, my car, my parents, my brother, my family, my speech, my mind, my heart, my limbs, my eyes, and ears, and face. Thank you for every working cell in my body, and the things that don’t work that you protect me from.

Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.