Asalamualaikum,

Welcome to another reflection, journaling blog post. It is December 28th, 2024 today. Just a few more days of 2024 and a few more days beyond that of my semester break before I begin classes again. OMG GUYSSSS I AM IN A MASTER PSYCHOLOGY PROGRAM!!! WHATT??? HOW DID I END UP HERE???

Wow.

The little me that made this blog… I don’t think she pictured herself here but I heeeerrre! I received some wonderful advice from a professor of mine about learning to be an advocate for mental health even outside of my sessions and how to answer and help people in the best way possible, directing them and guiding them to services without feeling like you have to do the whole therapy yourself right then and there.

Hmmm…. what else? I live at home again. Inshallah, if I stop being so rude, may Allah reward me for the serving I have done during my time here that I may have missed out on while living elsewhere. At the same time, some information has come out about my dad. Its only speculation right now. I don’t know if it is true. Needless to say, I have reason to believe my dad is not the most upstanding man in the world and that has been hard to swallow. I have not told a soul except for my therapist. I have considered telling my brother. Maybe I will. We don’t talk often enough to do so though. Maybe I should call him inshallah in the future.

I lost 3 family members this year. My nani’s older brother, my nani’s younger brother, and my nanaba’s older sister. I witnessed a funeral and while I did not witness washing of the body, we did come in afterwards. I think my last uncle’s passing has been hitting me in spurts.

Allah swt says that He has created life and death so that He may test us as to which of us is better in our deeds. Sometimes I feel like I am not getting that, or rather applying that. But why? Why am I missing out on that Allah? Please help me to not miss out on reminding myself as to why I am here and truly changing my life around. I want to be better at praying my salah…. I just… I don’t know. It has not been good. And I dont know what to do or how to fix it. It probably requires something difficult like getting rid of my ego and asking for help from my parents or something. The best successes in life usually require that.

I am journaling this by the way because I restarted the fabulous app. I completed the first 3 items and now I added a 4th- journaling.

I think I will make a to do list for the day. I have to reach out to K, then get ready for L’s apartment party, then text A if she wants to go at the same time, then go to L’s party, then get some hot pot with my cousins. As I am typing this, I am realizing we should probably come up with some fun games to play while doing the hot pot and at the party. I need to find a cool party trick.

I am also a part of two labs, I really enjoy doing research, I got an EEG of my brain done, I have written some cool papers about depression aaaand omg I am going to be a psychologist one day!!!! EEEEEPPP!! How EXCITING is that???!

ALright guys signing off.

I am grateful to my grandparents that are all still alove while some of my cousins have lost their grandparetns but they are younger than me. I am grateful for having money. period. Like that one thing is such a blessing to be able to afford things, food, blankets, homes (technically I cant but my family can) which is why I am also thankful for my parents and for them helping me out and providing for my brother and I. I am also so grateful for my brother. Thank you Allah (swt). Sometimes, I think I would go crazy if I did not have him in my life.

Alhamdulillah.

Ameen!

Best,

Sakeenah